pressures, depressions and obsessions I think those three are really bothering me
I cannot deny that I am really into pressures right now, both in school and out of school activities. My world doesn't belong to a typical teenage life- who goes by her friends anytime on Saturdays or Sundays. Somehow, I'm getting my way into the world of performing- where different kinds of talents get to meet each other and perform in front of the cheering crowd! Even on holidays where the rest of your friends got the time to sit their butts at home, but there we go- entertaining random people or conducting massive practices! Sometimes, the thought of it makes me thrill my nerves and feel blue in jealousy and envy! Sometimes I just hope to be the typical teenage girl. Part of the career is the thought that there's always someone within the group that can surpass your ability. The feeling wherein you just have to do your best but still your best wasn't good enough to regain the position. I admit, this thing really bothers me! In every field I am into, I always feel depressed that I into no good at all! That I was just part of the group for no special reason. Just plainly a member! From our school career to my extracurricular activities, I feel like I'm totally fading! Even though how much you try to impress the elders, you just can't! And it sucks! :[ Dreams and obsession.. I always dream to play variety of musical instruments! To be specific, " violin " is what I dream of! My first step on the grounds of my school, "Mandaue School for the Arts" was way back year2003 during my 3rd Grade in Elementary. I was so much amazed by group of kids playing the violin along the school quadrangle. It was the first time I was able to see the violin closely! It had such wonderful sound! From then on, I'm always looking forward to be able to play the violin someday! Days have come that my brother became part of the "Rondalla" at school and great musical opportunities came along his way! I was so glad he made it because it was the time where I was able to play the violin myself! It felt great! :]] But the thought that I could get better by just playing the basic " twinkle-twinkle variation " didn't work! Reading the musical notes written on the sheet music is my weakness! I could spend 10seconds of my life trying to figure out a single note written on it! It sucks, right?
Hell yeah! I suck! Thinking of all these heart-breaking concern makes it worse! But anyways, I trying to figure out some ways to get over all these non-sense! " There's always a rainbow after the rain ".. I'm trying to hold on into this line. That somehow, behind all these damn insecurities and depressions, something fruitful will leave a special remembrance in my quest!
thanks for reading! :] I just need some random people to read and hear me scream my words! YOU are much loved! Thanks for the time!
signed..
eLoiiiise :))
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